Yo Mama's Faux Thai Workout Salad
Serves: 43 cups of assorted greens, such as spring mix
10 oz. of packaged 'superblend' vegetables, such as a mixture of chopped/grated Brussels sprouts, Napa cabbage, kohlrabi, broccoli, carrots, and kale
1 stalk celery, slivered
4 baby carrots, slivered
½ green bell pepper, slivered
1/’2 can of water chestnuts, slivered
¼ cup Chopped almonds
4-5 Tbl. Yo Mama’s Zesty Sesame dressing
2-3 Tbl almond butter
12 mandarin oranges
Hand wash and vigorously spin dry your selected greens.
Combine greens with superblend vegetables in a large bowl.
Remove celery from bag. Rest.
Using a repetitive, non-stop motion, hand-slice the carrots, celery, bell pepper, and water chestnuts and add to greens.
Chop the almonds in the most exhausting manner possible before throwing them in the bowl.
In a small dish, mash together the Yo Mama’s Zesty Sesame dressing with the almond butter, applying ample force and alternating hands used in order to get an evenly distributed workout.
Drizzle dressing over greens. Strap cast iron weights to the handles of the tongs if possible. Toss salad ingredients together while listening to Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, making sure to maximize arm movements, occasionally pulling tossers completely away from the food to ensure that you get the ideal level of conductor-cise without flinging the salad out of the bowl.